Here we are

Hi! So ive been debating whether or not to post/ how to post/ is it weird to post/ whats the post protocol when one does get to their goal weight. I spoke with my very good cheerleader friend Kris who said POST THAT SHIT.
So here it goes, this is a long and honest one, hold onto your butts.
Last May I was the heaviest Ive ever been 160, I was frustrated, annoyed, but also feeling pretty helpless AND wasn’t actively doing anything about it except staring in the mirror grabbing my stomach and thinking “Gross.” And thats when I joined this lovely group on facebook called Adult Rider Fitness Support. It was exactly what I needed to kick start and helped me to lose those first 10lbs. Its a group of rock star riders who recognize that their body being fit is just as important as their saddle. We weigh in weekly, cheer each other on, post silly stuff about the struggles of diets and so on.  That accountability is everything. The motivators ARE everything!
I started not eating 2nd lunches and 2nd dinners, which I was doing weekly, not sneaking that extra 5 pieces of chocolate and stopped drinking (this is also because I had to change my meds and my doctor told me it really doesn’t work when you drink) and I boxing which I fucking love. If you haven’t tried it its a blast and I promise you will drop weight FAST. Your body wont know what hit it, pun intended. I attribute a large amount of my weight loss to boxing and the fact i’ve been able to keep it off. I think thats the hardest part about the first 10lbs, keeping it off- you get so stoked your first thought is “HECK YEA! CHOCOLATE CAKE CELEBRATE!”
I still wasn’t completely satisfied but I did hit my mid summer goal of 150. ZING. I was running about twice a week even in the Baltimore heat and pounds were melting. I could feel it.
Then August hit. Im going to spare you some details but basically the life that I had planned and was pretending was all nice and happy reared its ugly head and I started having panic attacks twice a day, which in itself is enough to make anyone skip a meal or two just by pure exhaustion (this is not the point of my weight loss story but an honest mention). Since it felt like everything else was falling apart I turned to food as control, I for the first time in my life started watching what I ate, like a lot. Planning meals- as it turns out is not nearly as hard as I had thought it would be, I also cut out extra sugars and processed foods. Ive finally started to tell my self “No, you don’t need that. Its only going to make you happy for a second” and meaning it, its amazing once you cut it out how quickly you don’t crave it anymore. I started following fitness and nutrition blogs. Portion control– where the crap had you been all my life?! Its a thing, and it works.
Looking up delicious smart recipes- teaching myself how to cook (still in the learning stages), doing abs instead of laying on the couch. Yes, you can still watch Making a Murderer while doing crunches and for my meals I focus on light proteins, greek yogurt, and fruit w/ peanut butter (wait, thats not one word?!) smoothies. I go to the grocery now with a plan of attack and a picture, really an actual picture because I like colors and not reading, of what I was going to make that week for all my meals. Typically it ends up being a massive amount of one thing that I eat variations of lunch and dinner. I don’t do elaborate, needs to be fast delicious, and easy. And then to help with all the stress and sadness I was working through I added in more work outs, found a running and race day buddy- started running again (woot). By Oct. I was 143. Still trucking. More things changed in my life, my out of work life became even more hectic and not because I was having fun. But I was losing weight and keeping it off. I allowed for cheat days and then allowed for days where I pushed myself to run that extra mile. As corny as it sounds its all about the balance.
December 10th I hit my goal weight, like my life time goal weight. And the best part is, i’ve kept it that way for a month, even through the holidays (pats self on back). The only issue is now i’m battling a problem that last year I would give anything to have, however knowing what I do know both sides are equally as frustrating. What’s amazing to me is that as a woman it’s never enough. There is never that perfect weight or perfect look. You are either too chubby, too squishy, too tall, too saggy, too skinny. Striving for perfection will make you crazy. Even as Im typing this and know the words to be true I still am self conscious. I constantly am telling myself “You’re a rock star! You look great kid! Look how strong you are GRRRR,” then to have someone at work come up and say “You don’t look good, you need to eat more”… all while Im literally shoving chicken in my face, trying not to burst into tears in front of her. I hate it. I hate that something so small can cut you down. It hurt just as much as if she were to tell me, “You’ve gained weight and you don’t look good.” Yes, I lost a lot of weight but it was over 8 months of hard work. I know that to the outside it looks like all a sudden I dropped a bunch of weight and well thats only because she’s stressed or she stopped eating- yes, im stressed (life is hard), yes, I stopped eating…like it was going out of style (I still very much eat).
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And then I go to boxing class and pretend she/ society/ anxieties/ insecurities are the bag and I settle back into it. For the first time in a long time I look at my arms and think “Aww hellllllyeaahhh! I can take anything on.” Because I am strong. We all are strong we just have to harness that strong, take no prisoners and give no fucks to what others think of us. The perfect weight is what makes you look in the mirror or fuck it in a reflective window in an office building with people working on the other side and jump with a fist pump of “GET AT ME!”
This ALL being said I was thinking, maybe I start a small blog literally just to post up the various recipes I find so that they are 1. condensed and easily accessible to me (yup me first) but then also to you guys. Could be a total waste but could also be really fun and beneficial. Ive also found loads of at home work outs, like the kinds you can do while watching TV or putting away laundry. Its dumb but its fun and maybe it will motivate those people who motivated me to keep going when I needed it the most. So here we are…
xox
Merida
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